


Why Must This Be My Future?

by FoxxGlove



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Catholic Guilt, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Killing, Mentioned Edelgard von Hresvelg, Murder, POV Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Religion, Religious Conflict, Sad Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Villain Edelgard von Hresvelg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxxGlove/pseuds/FoxxGlove
Summary: Dimitri has a one sided conversation with the goddess about his future and destiny.  She may be listening.  He'll never know.Why goddess?Do you insist on torturing me this way— healing me just enough that I regain my strength and continue to fight despite the pain?Why must I walk this earth— a husk or my former self while the ghosts of good men march into the flames or eternal damnation?
Kudos: 4
Collections: Dimitri





	Why Must This Be My Future?

**Author's Note:**

> Dimitri Week 2020 Day 3: Future
> 
> I can't find a good spot to place this timeline wise, but I needed to get out this soliloquy idea!

I stand before you goddess,  
Cloaked in grief,  
Soaked in blood,  
Choked by anger!

My friends, I hesitate to use such a word— know not the depths of my sins or of the lengths to which I took to get here; I wish to keep it that way.  
They— did not see my pain, agony, and struggle as I clawed my way to the surface once again to face the demons who so viciously mock my dreams.  
These corrupt visions have plagued my reality for so long, yet for some reason you’ve granted me this small bit of peace; they are silent— for now.  
That is not my wish!  
It is only a cruel reminder that they will return even louder than before!

I wish instead you’d have let a stray arrow puncture my heart, or a sword rip through my stomach—  
And let me spill my sinful blood on hallowed ground that I may be of good use to someone. 

Funny—  
I feel I’ve felt these very wounds, yet have no memory of sustaining them.  
I swear, sometimes when I lie awake at night I feel these phantom aches and pains and I wonder how my mind could play such wicked tricks on me.

And yet, I am thankful that despite this pain I can see for the first time in gods know how long.  
That’s why I came here goddess.  
To thank you for filling my nightmares with this future I wretched future you insist I see.

For once, in my miserable existence, I have clarity in what I must do to make things right.  
I wish— no— plead— with you goddess, that you silence their cries for vengeance. They beg me to do it.  
Their voices, sting my ears with desperation that I avenge those who sent them to their graves.  
I wish— desperately, that these voices would fall to a whisper!

Listen to me!  
Foolishly bargaining in some last chance effort that I may be healed of this torment!  
As if I could simply close my eyes and be healed of this plague.  
Fool...  
Begging for mercy when it is far too late.

There is no point.  
The voices, they demand it.  
They demand I kill her.  
My body demands it.  
And yet, where once my heart beat— it aches.

Goddess!  
I ask you, shamefully, that you give me the strength I need to plunge my lance into the heart of a girl, who against all odds, I still care for.  
I beg you, to hold my hand in battle.  
I need—  
I need you, to help me kill my love.

Love...  
The very word sting my tongue.  
Love.  
I love her— yet, I have such hatred for her.  
She burns my flesh every time I see her eyes in my sleep.  
I dream of her, rotting beneath my blood stained boots.  
I relish in the moment I hear her skull crack under pressure—  
Then I wake with a scream. 

How, goddess?  
How do I hold such feelings for someone?  
How do I kill someone I love?  
And why?  
Why goddess, do I hesitate to even harm her when she has caused so much of my pain?

Even now I can hardly hold my composure.  
The tiniest shred of the beast I’ve become resists my greatest desire to see her blood coat my filthy hands.

I wish— so dearly goddess, that I could hold her one last time.  
Feel her lovely heat against my body and embrace her as my dear friend.  
I beg you— make the pain I feel when I hold her corpse to my skin bearable—  
Please.  
Numb me to it— that I may end the cries of the dead and that I may feel nothing killing my beloved friend.

El— the name I dare not use anymore.  
It was private  
Special  
It only brings me grief now! 

Oh goddess!  
Why you, the controller of fate, why would you give me this wretched reality in which the only things I love hate to me the core?  
Why goddess?  
Do you insist on torturing me this way— healing me just enough that I regain my strength and continue to fight despite the pain?  
Why must I walk this earth— a husk or my former self while the ghosts of good men march into the flames or eternal damnation?

Why must this— be my future?  
Why must I use my friends to defeat my enemies?  
Why must I hurt the people I love!?

Why?

I keep saying that—  
Yet, you never answer.

Foolish!

I am but a corpse talking to a ghost.  
Foolish…

Although..  
I’ve plenty of ghosts in my life already—  
What’s one more?


End file.
